For nearly eleven years my husband and I have lived in our home. We live on a street that ends in a cul-de-sac and we were the third couple to occupy a home on our street. We were surrounded by empty lots and slabs with beginning construction. Each time a new lot was shown to a prospective buyer we would get excited and size them up and wondered if they would become our newest neighbor.

Every few weeks a new couple would move in and we would take the time to get to know them. Those first few years on our street were fun, hectic, and definitely a learning experience. Our backgrounds varied. There was definitely a variety of religious and political views not to mention personal prejudices. Not everyone was friendly. There were people who seemed nice enough on the surface but underneath they would sooner stab you in the back if they thought it would make them look better or served them in some way. If there was not a party going on there was a fight amongst this one of that one and people most definitely took sides. I would be lying if I told you I sat on the sidelines and watched the drama.

Yet through the years, even if there was personality clashes or disagreements, people banned together in times of need. As new babies arrived you could count on half  a dozen meals to be delivered  as soon as you got home. If someone died or you needed a baby sitter for an important appointment you could count on your neighbor. And during the aftermath of Hurricane Ivan and Katrina, it didn’t matter if you were friend or foe, you helped your neighbor clean up the debris, tarp their roof, and we all ate community meals on our front lawns of food that we didn’t want to go bad in our freezers. We were a community and we have continued to be even as people have come and gone over the past decade.

Thirteen years ago I joined a bigger community right here on the Internet. I participated on message boards and I was an online diarist. Later I joined smaller topic specific forums and became a blogger. In the last few years new neighborhoods have sprouted up all over this community especially with the introduction of social media. I belong to several. You could say I have houses all over the Internet in various communities. I don’t agree or even like everyone in my neighborhoods, but I have come to respect the community as a whole. There have been times I have openly disagreed with people on my blog, on Facebook, and on Twitter. I have rushed to judgment and hurt people in the community with my words. I am also guilty of writing things for self promotion without giving thought to how it might impact someone on a very personal level. I can say that in thirteen years online I have eaten crow multiple times and offered many apologies. So I speak from experience for what I am about to type out.

Don’t ambush your neighbor. Don’t be underhanded with people in the community. Don’t be passive aggressive. Don’t do something hurtful to your neighbor for your own selfish self promotion. Don’t pick on the weak , the meek, or the ignorant because you think it will be easier to get away with. Don’t hide behind free speech and “you made it public on the internet” when you are trying to excuse something you did. And let me say, it is one thing to disagree with someone or something but don’t hang the very people who support you out to dry who live in your neighborhood. You never know when you may need help or compassion from those who are practically in your backyard.

Over the last few months I have seen this happen repeatedly, so this is not based on one lone incident or blog post or person but multiple things I have seen happen, especially after blogging conferences and tweetups. You don’t have to give people high fives and pats on the back at every turn, you can even disagree with them publicly, but do it in a way that doesn’t make you look like an asshole. In fact I would go so far to say that if you wouldn’t confront them face to face with it don’t bother typing anything at all. And if you are in need, I have several recipes for crow.