On January 2nd I wrote “Before 37“. Little did I know that a few weeks later I would have a job and be the busiest I have been in sometime. Homeschooling kids and working has been quite a challenge these past few months. I’ve come to realize the importance of being organized, setting limits, and just letting some things go. And while I have been exhausted and constantly on the go I can honestly say I’ve loved every minute of it. I love my job. I love that it is service oriented. I love that my kids can come with me when I do events.
The last five months I have had a lot of personal and spiritual growth. The older I get the more limits I am willing to set with others and not allow people to take advantage of me. This past year my eyes have been opened in ways I never thought they would be. I have been shocked by those who seem to have lost their moral compass, all the while proclaiming to know Jesus, and who have had their “Give a Damn” box broken. I am shocked at families who have turned a blind eye to abuse and pretended it never has taken place even though all the signs pointed to it. I’ve taken this opportunity to educate my own children, especially my oldest daughter who has got to see things unfold right before her eyes, that she should chose her friends wisely and a life partner even more so.
While being 36 I have come to appreciate my husband more than I ever have before. I didn’t think it was possible to love him more, but I do. I could not ask for a better friend and lover. I am so glad I married a man who works hard that even while he has been fighting a neuro-muscular disease and has been seriously depressed over the decreasing function in his left arm he has worked harder and studied to further his career. I am glad that we have the type of relationship that we can have serious frank discussions about our life together because if you can’t be honest and authentic with your spouse than what is the point of being married.
During the past year I have made some fabulous friendships. The kind that bind you together for life. The Twisted Sistahs know who they are. I do not have to name them. I share a special bond with these women and I know that if I ever committed a crime they would be there to bail me out or hide me in my time of need. I love that they are a phone call away, ready to get on their brooms and take care of business should I or the kids ever need them. These women have made me a better woman, a better mother, and a better wife.
At 36 I have been called a marriage wrecker, a lesbian, and a bitch because I made a choice to help women in need get away from abusive assholes who treated their wives and children more like property than like human beings. I’ve been scared out of my mind, taken risks I probably should not have, and gone places I never thought I would go to in order to do what is right rather than what was easy. My loyalty has been tested and I have lost friends along the way but sometimes doing the right thing can cause you pain.
In the last five months I have challenged myself to do things I never thought I would do. I’ve hiked through the woods and as of this month have put in over 100 miles on local hiking trails. I have learned to Geocache, canoe, and have stood in cages with wild animals and birds to get over my fear of them. I’ve been bit by fleas, chiggers, mosquitoes and ticks. I’ve spent more time outdoors since January than I have in five years and that is no exaggeration. More than ever I see the importance of getting out into nature rather than sitting your ass in front of a screen all day and in my own home there has been less TV and video games.
This year was monumental in that I no longer have babies or toddlers. My youngest is preschool age and potty trained! I feel like we have indeed moved into a different stage of our lives and it is wonderful. I am so glad to be done with the baby years and I have reached that part of me that is happy to hold a baby and equally happy to hand them back over to their mother! I don’t envy mother’s still breastfeeding, still changing diapers, or having littles in their beds as I am now free from it all.
At age 36 I lost not one single pound, I did not go to a yoga class, I did not construct a piece of furniture, I did not sew like I had planned and I did not get to finish a multitude of projects. I had good intentions. Some I was unable to do, some were just not a priority, and some, well I just failed at miserably.
But here I am, at 37. There is no age I would rather be. Living right now with five healthy children who teach me more than I teach them, with a partner who loves me for who I am, and with wonderful, supportive friends around me. I wonder what life has in store for me for the next 365 days, what lessons the universe has in store for me to learn, and of course, who I am going to meet along the way.
Life is good.
