The revolving door of the “relationship status” on Facebook

I’m begging some of you to break up with your relationship status on Facebook. You know, that part of your profile that lets everyone know if you are Single, In a Relationship, Engaged, Married, Divorced, or It’s Complicated. Some things the public, your friends, and your family do not want to know. I am urging you to hide your drama, your immaturity, your spouse’s infidelity, your wife’s crazy and your girlfriend/boyfriend fights if you can’t keep your relationship status stationary for more than a few days, or weeks.

In August of 2008 I signed up for Facebook after getting sick and tired of MySpace. At the time I was told that Facebook was for a more mature audience and that I would see less drama and immature behavior on there. I should go back and kick that person’s ass for lying to me. At first, Facebook was exciting and new. I reconnected with old classmates and friends, there were games to play, and of course there was all this networking. I liked how easily information could be shared about local events and news and the nosy side of my personality indulged in reading every friend’s profile information and scrolling through their pictures. What I wasn’t prepared for was what people would do with their statuses and how they would go about announcing life changing events.

I will be the first to tell you that I do not have a problem, in general, with using your Facebook status to announce the wonderful or not so wonderful things in your life. I think that Facebook and Twitter have allowed us the freedom to get the information about birth, death, personal tragedy, and triumphs in a way that is actually beneficial. This is probably because I am the designated bearer of bad news in my family. I can’t even begin to explain to you how emotionally draining it was to call people during the time my brother was missing to the time his body was found. Or how for about a thirty-six month period of time if you got a call from me at your work or late in the evening it was not for social reasons but to let you know that yet another person was dead or dying. Facebook would have been an effective form of communication that would have consolidated the grueling hours of having to repeat the same depressing, heart wrenching details each and every time I made a phone call.

However, I believe that Facebook is not a place to air your dirty laundry when it comes to relationships. It is one thing to say you have had an argument with your significant other, it’s another when you accuse your partner of having an affair or call them a lying scum bag in your status. And yes, I have seen this happen more than once. It shows a lack of maturity on your part when you go from Single, to It’s Complicated, and back to In a Relationship within the same day or few days time. I wish I was talking about teenagers, young fools in love, but I am talking about thirty-something and forty-something old men and women behaving this way. There should be no wonder why half the marriages fail in this country or people can’t commit to one another and it’s called immaturity.

Over the last twenty months I have had several “friends” announce their divorces on Facebook. Several of these divorces came out of the blue with no real warning. One moment the friend would be posting pictures of their happy life and the next their divorce was in the works. Occasionally an explanation would follow, or down right slander against the other person. The status bar that was once updated with happy family outings or date nights was now being used as a way to air out dirty laundry. Seeing people behave this way makes me wonder what happened to their common sense and decency.

Worse than the divorce announcements though is the revolving door relationship status between Single and In a Relationship of those who are constantly breaking up and getting back together. Flickering on and off like a light I almost wonder why some of these people are trying to make their relationships work. It would be much easier for all your friends if you just constantly kept your status on It’s Complicated or maybe Facebook needs a new relationship status for those of you who can’t seem to keep your relationships on an even keel called Train Wreck.

There are some things you just shouldn’t use social media for and airing out all your relationship discord is one of them. Once you put something out there for the whole world wide web to see, or the few hundred friends you know on Facebook, it can’t be taken back. There may be legal and social implications you are not prepared for. The information you put out on social media sites could be used against you legally, especially in divorce cases that involve children. Don’t be so naive to think this doesn’t happen because I actually know two people who had pictures that were posted on social media websites brought in as evidence during custody hearings and another who posted a “note” about her soon-to-be ex that ended up on a judges desk. I know that sharing the going ons in your life can be very cathartic, as a blogger I completely get that, but some things should just be left behind closed doors.

A horrible no good Friday

I would like to welcome everyone who has come to read the following post. It has not been edited in anyway and will not be removed. The person who linked to this post made a lot of assumptions about me, my children, and the state of their well being and made some lame attempt to make me out to be a bad mother. In this post I give more details and assure you that my children were supervised by a teenager that can legally babysit. I have not deleted nor not published comments to this post.

In less than six hours this day will be over and I will be glad. It has been a horrible, no good, rotten Friday. I had so many good intentions for the day but fate decided to deal me a bad hand.

First, the kids first thing this morning were bickering and fighting at 7 a.m. This to me is a sin. Not only are the kids homeschooled, but we are on a break. I think they should be sleeping in, not getting up at the butt crack of dawn. It was no wonder Mr. K scurried out the door as quickly as he could to head to work. Still, I decided that today would be a good day and prompted all the kids to eat and get ready for the day. We had lots of errands to run, I was going to take them out to eat, and we were going to buy shoes. Actually I was going to buy them Crocs that I have begged for for nearly a year.

At nine we left. I went by the church to recycle and drop food off for the food pantry and chatted briefly with some of the teachers at the church school and then we headed to Mobile Botanical Gardens to sign Dylan up for camp. So far so good. Then we were off to guitar lessons which were difficult to get too due to the construction on the streets and parking lots at the University. While I waited I texted with one of my best girlfriends and shopping buddies about a clothing sale at Castles and Crowns. I texted her to pull me some items in a size 5 and I would be there shortly. Then my phone died. In fact it kept going on and off by itself repeatedly, and it was during this that things started getting interesting.

Kara who was in her car seat kept telling me she was “hawt”. I was ignoring her because I was trying to get my phone to work while driving all over a vacant parking lot thinking it had to do something with the signal to my phone then she vomited. She threw up all over herself and carseat and all that surrounded her in her seat. Now, I am not sure if I have mentioned this before but I do not do vomit. Me and vomit, not a good mix, because then I vomit. I start to turn green just hearing someone gag so you can actually imagine how bad it is when someone does throw up around me. I stop the car, of course, grab a hand full of napkins and start cleaning her up. Then I did what any normal mother in a panic would do, I stripped her naked and used he clothes (her nice clothes I might add) to sop up the mess.

Finally my oldest comes out of guitar lessons and I tell the kids that our afternoon plans are canceled and we are going to head home right after I swing by to see my shopping buddy to pick up “my deals” at the half off sale. I had thought it would only take a few minutes but it turned into an hour. However, I wasn’t a totally horrible mother, I did actually leave my kids in the van, watching a movie with drinks and snacks. When I got back to the car however the DVD player in the van was not working (not good) and my boys were acting like ass monkeys and Kara, the one who had vomitted was crying that she was “hawt” again. So now I get in the car and think of the fasted route to get back home.

In route to the house, Kara throws up again and this time, several kids are gagging all while I am screaming “don’t look” and “cover your nose” in my most panicked voice. Even though it only takes us about twenty minutes to get home it seems much longer because we are almost in two seperate car accidents with old farts who have no business on the roads and could hardly see over the steering wheel much less over the hoods of their gigantic American made tanks from the 80s. We finally arrive home, in one piece and without any more vomiting in the van. But don’t worry, as soon as we walked into the house more vomiting took place. I then bribed my kids with donuts to clean up the mess and give the baby a bath, because that is how I roll.

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Palin’s daughter on abstinence, while Octomom preaches sterilization

The last two days I have been trying to get some things accomplished around the house. Little things. Things that if not tended to that will turn into big things that usually everyone thinks fairies come and do in the middle of the night. Unfortunately these tasks, which would take very minimal time, are taking sometimes two and three times the time to complete because I am interrupted every few minutes by the kids. I feel completely spent and worn out by the end of the day because of it.

Monday morning I woke up and could not walk. Both feet were cramped up and were like that for hours. I have no idea what would have caused that.

I am starting to plan our family vacation to Walt Disney World. I would love to stay on site but it is not in my budget to do so. Now that we have five children it is very hard to get accommodations at the Disney Resorts without it costing us an arm and a leg. This makes me sad because we have really enjoyed staying on site in the past. We will be renting a house near the Disney area. This will be the most cost efficient not only for our accommodations but for eating as well. Have I mentioned that this vacation will be in eleven months? Did you know that I am a big planner when it comes to vacations? Now you do.

Check out this excellent post “Before the Oil Comes:Gulf Coast Oil Spill Week 5” over at Velveteen Mind.

Bristol Palin is going to be a paid speaker. I am not sure if I should laugh or cry. Guess what her speeches will be centered on? Abstinence. Insane I tell you. She is the poster child for why abstinence only education doesn’t work. Why would anyone listen to this girl about not having sex when she herself starting screwing around at fifteen? The fact people would pay for a speech on abstinence from her puzzles me.

In other news, Octomom is going to be telling the world per a banner in her front yard that you should spay and neuter your pets so they will not breed.

For more Random Tuesday Thoughts or to participate go check out The UnMom! The randomness there will not disappoint you

Loaves and Fishes

For the past year and a half that I have been on Facebook frequent groups have started that ask members to “fan” or “like” drug testing for those who receive welfare benefits. Staggering numbers belong to these groups and shockingly the very people from my friends list that profess to be anti-government and believers in the Constitution, not to mention Christians have joined in support.

There seems to be an assumption on the part of people who join these groups that those who need welfare assistance in some way must have some criminal element to them. What happen to presumption of innocence until proven guilty? When is assistance to those in need dependent on whether or not they are addicted to drugs? It seems those people are the very ones who need it more and would require more from us.

These days I know many families on government assistance. Many of them are living in nice homes, trying to avoid foreclosures after job loss. They have children who are not much different than my own. They drive decent cars and wear nice clothes. These people can’t find work, and what little money they may be able to bring in is keeping the roof over their heads and the lights on, but they have to eat. Food pantries are running low because they are servicing so many and church donations are down due to the financial strains of the congregation.

I am sure some of you are saying “I’m not talking about them” but here is the thing, YOU ARE. Why should law abiding, innocent until proven guilty people have to have their civil rights violated for state health insurance and food stamps? Also, if someone is addicted to drugs, the biggest crime they are committing is against themselves and are most likely not committing any other atrocities in our community. If they test positive before getting aid then what? Do we put their children in foster care? Do we arrest them and put them in our already over populated jails? Do we put them in state institutions for rehab? If the purpose of testing people for drugs is to reduce the burden on the tax payer it seems the point would be lost when action would need to take place by who? The government.

Also if you are a Christian, a true believer in the teachings of Jesus Christ, I am wondering if you forgot the story of Jesus feeding the multitudes. In case you forgot, the story of Jesus feeding the multitudes with seven loaves of bread and two fishes is told in all four Gospels. The number of the multitude of people varies in the gospels between 4000 and 5000 people but the number is not what is important, it’s the message. Jesus did not turn away those who had followed him for days listening to his teachings and seeking healing even though his disciples told him to send them away. When Jesus blessed the food and had his disciples to break it up he didn’t put any condition on who received the food. They were hungry and Jesus did not want to send them away with empty bellies.

As Christians we should not put condition on others who are in need. There should be no stipulation on who we help. It should not matter if it’s our middle class neighbor who has lost their job or someone who lives in the projects or an immigrant who does not speak our language. Jesus doesn’t say only those without sin, who worked hard, who got her legally, and who has no addiction come unto me and if Jesus abides in us, neither should we.

Teachers Who Impacted My Life

I have been very fortunate to have had some wonderful teachers when I was in school. If teachers were allowed to teach and be involved with students like they were when I was in school I doubt I would be a homeschooling parent today. It is hard to just pick one favorite teacher for this weeks Girl Talk Thursday topic so I will briefly touch on those who made not only a lasting impression but a lasting impact on my life.

Mrs. Hamilton was my fifth grade teacher. She came in as a replacement teacher at our school after a young, first year teeacher, Ms. Kroger, left us to go teach in the public school system. She was a stern teacher who set the bar high on what she expected of us. It was in her class that I learned good study habits and that even if you were smart it would take work on my part to maintain my good grades. While at times our class pushed her to the limits, often acting up because we as a whole were angry that she was our teacher instead of the young, hip Ms. Kroger she never gave up on us. She never failed to explain something in great detail if we didn’t understand and she was a great reader. In the afternoons she would often read aloud to us and her voice had a soothing tone that lulled you right into the story that she was reading. By the end of the year she was a much loved and cherished teacher whom I have never forgotten.

In middle school I began to show a rebellious side. My As and Bs sunk to Cs and Ds and I took every opportunity to skip class that I could. I got into a lot of mischief and even a few fights (and for note I won them too). While the headmaster, Mr. Powell, never was a teacher of mine I spent plenty of time in his presence as I sat across from him in his office. I am not sure what he saw in me, but he tended to let me off the hook for a lot for my pranks and skipping class. Of course I never left his office without a long lecture and how I was wasting my talents by acting a fool. I must have also made an impression upon him because years later when my sister sent her children to the same school and mentioned me to him he instantly remembered my shenanigans and followed up with “Does she have kids and is she planning to send them here?”

Highschool for me was a mixed bag. For a year I went to public school. I was out of my small, sheltered environment and thrust among many different kinds of people, students and teachers. Sadly, I can’t think of one teacher from there that gave me a feeling that I was important. There is no doubt as to why I failed, yes failed, the ninth grade. I had one teacher though that stood out. Her name was Mrs. Smith and she taught AP English. It was in her class that I learned the art of story telling on paper and a great love for literature. Might I also add that Mrs. Smith was an alcoholic and kept a bottle of booze in her desk. We were the last class of the day and often times she was three sheets to the wind by the time we got there. This made her tongue loose and she didn’t hold back on her literary opinions. She often would go into great details about the authors and allowed a lot of classroom discussion on what we read.

After failing the ninth grade I had to do some serious catch up work and soul searching. I also had to attend summer school and did so at one of my previous schools. It was Mr. Graham who taught me Algebra four hours a day, five days a week, for six weeks that summer. He never treated me like I was stupid and was confident I would “get it”. And I did. So much so that I actually enjoyed math. The next two years he taught me Geometry and Algebra 2 Trig. He was patient and kind with a great sense of humor. It is no wonder I married a math nerd after having had him for a teacher.

However it is probably Mrs. Mercer who was the yearbook sponsor, my history teacher, and family living teacher who was my absolute favorite. She tended to juggle a lot of responsibility in our school and I admired that in her. Mrs. Mercer was a teacher who listened. I mean really listened to her students. I felt I could go to her with anything. She made history interesting. She didn’t gloss over the bad parts or skirted around issues. We may have been in a Christian school but she did not hold back telling the sordid and immoral activities of the founding fathers or others involved in American history. In family living class she talked about abstinence but she covered birth control options as well which was a big deal back then. It was also in her class that we were given an assignment to write about our lives and where we would be in five, ten, fifteen, and twenty years. It was that project that I set out the goals for my life and all but one of them has been met. Luckily I have a few years left to get that last one accomplished.


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