I’ve been neglecting my blog…again. My attention has been elsewhere. Pinterest perhaps. Stolen moments and down time have been spent pinning crafts, food, ideas, and tutorials. I could be addicted. Just a little.

But now I am here, writing. Updating what readers I might have left. Updating you on what it has been like to be on anti-anxiety meds for the past 7 weeks and bio-identical hormones for 3 weeks.

Two words: FUCKING FANTASTIC

I should have gone to the doctor sooner after my hysterectomy. I waited and I wasted time, precious time that I will never get back, feeling like shit and feeling crazy. I don’t think I can fully put into words what it feels like NOT to feel on edge, incredibly bitchy, and like at any minute you are going to crawl out of your skin.  I feel renewed. I feel a burden has been lifted. I feel more in control of my stress, can keep better control when I get angry, and I am no longer paranoid. I am not stress eating. I no longer crave sweet and salty treats or want to dive head first in a vat of chocolate.

A month of being on anti-anxiety meds (I take Cymbalta 60mg) changed my life. I didn’t know if it could get better but when I went back for my follow up appointment I still had concerns about my sleep, weight loss, my sex life, and energy levels. We discussed my lab work which caused me to giggle uncontrollably. For the first time in 20 years everything showed that I was “normal”.

Normal. I laugh just thinking about it.

According to my blood work I should not be having hot flashes, night sweats, or other perimenopausal symptoms but I was. In fact, my labs were like that of a fertile, healthy 25 year old woman. Funny that at 25 my hormone levels were that of a woman heading towards menopause and I was declared infertile. Now I have one ovary and no uterus! Obviously I am all kinds of screwed up. Thankfully my doctor is a doctor I saw ten years ago who was very familiar with my history. She too got a good chuckle over my body that constantly defies medical science. I am also thankful that she treats symptoms and doesn’t go strictly on blood work. So we discussed what I could do to alleviate  my symptoms and improve how I felt and decided on trying bio-identical hormones compounded at a pharmacy.

Let me just tell you how much my life has improved in the last three weeks. I sleep. I sleep 8 plus hours most nights. I wake up rested and with energy to start the day. I feel good. My mood is good and I have energy to get the day going and moving forward in a positive way. I feel happy 85% of the time. SEX went from being great to OMFG INCREDIBLE! I feel more peaceful. I think more clearly. My hair is growing again and getting thicker. I’m losing weight. I have lost almost 20lbs!!!  I’m enjoying my kids more. I’m laughing more. I feel so motivated to get things accomplished.

I should have done this sooner. I should not have neglected myself.

Due to life being sweeter and feeling so good I have begun doing the Mediterranean Diet. It is easy to maintain and an excellent way to eat. I am enjoying food differently now. I feel like a burden has been lifted from me since I no longer binge eat due to stress and crave salty-sweet foods. Now when I eat a dessert I eat a very small portion, just enough to really enjoy it and savor it.

I’m looking forward to really enjoying the holidays this year.  A lot of things are going on right now in my life, many are stressful, but I am coping well. I am no longer thinking about what I am missing, but more of what I have.

 

 

I received two tickets to see Duran Duran at Bayfest as part of their social media campaign #Duransocial to promote their new album All You Need Is Now.

Growing up I missed a huge part of pop culture: Duran Duran and the birth of music videos. Having been raised in a fundamental Christian home that forbid rock music for the majority of my childhood I didn’t get to listen to songs like Planet Earth or Notorious nor did I get to see the Hungry Like A Wolf music video that all my friends were talking about at school.  I had no idea who Duran Duran really was until I was in college and living out on my own. It was then that I was introduced to their music and became hooked. To say I was excited about seeing them live would have been an understatement. When I was offered the opportunity to participate in their social media campaign several weeks ago in exchange for two tickets to see them at Mobile’s very own Bayfest I immediately said YES!

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I didn’t know if it was going to be four middle aged men trying to rekindle their youthful sound or something that was going to rock my socks off. While I waited in the crowd of 30 and 40 somethings eager to relive the music of their youth, I was feeling a bit anxious. I overheard one woman behind me say to her teenage daughter that if Simon walked into the audience she would literally wet herself and another woman had a folded up picture from one of those teen magazines that must have been decades old to get autographed by the band. These people were serious fans and I was just wanting to experience something lost from my teen years.

And boy did I miss out, because when Duran Duran hit the stage Saturday night I was amazed. Simon Le Bon sounded fantastic and looked sexier than ever. His voice was unwavering, clear, and strong as he sang the lyrics of songs new and old. The entire band played flawlessly. Their sound filled the air as couples swayed in each other arms like they were at the prom and geeks jammed out on their air guitars. (literally the guy beside us was rocking it out!)

Duran Duran did not disappoint. They sang for over 90 minutes giving the audience everything they wanted to hear and then some. I was really impressed with what a great show they put on. I got to hear all my old favorites, like Notorious and Come Undone, and now have some new favorites too from their new album All You Need Is Now.

Duran Duran is currently touring – check out their tour dates to see if they are coming to a town near you!

It has been nearly two years since I have had a check up from the doctor. Sure I have run into urgent care a few times when I felt like death but not an appointment to discuss my overall health. I’m not going to lie, for months now I have felt like a lethargic, panicky mess. I hurt all over and have no energy and I haven’t been sleeping, much less eating well. I realized I was not going to be able to keep up with my busy life if I didn’t take some kind of action.

So a month ago I made an appointment with a doctor who delivered my second son, Jack, who no longer does OB work to see if I could do something about night sweats, hot flashes, and feeling like dog mess. In fact I wrote on the form where it said “Why are you seeing the doctor today?” :

hormonally challenged, sleepy, anxiety ridden, energy drained, obese mother of 5

I figured that would cover all my basis. I had thought about just putting “fucked up mess” but refrained. On other parts of the forms I tried to be as honest as possible until it said number of pregnancies and pregnancy complications. I simply wrote “Too numerous to mention. Not enough lines.” Three or four lines is just not enough space for me to write down my reproductive history.

The appointment was nice enough. Mainly we just talked. Which is really what I prefer to be honest with you. However I did bust out laughing when she said I was doing too much and should probably slow down my life. Umm, no, that’s not happening. She just smiled like she understood. So we addressed my most immediate needs – like wanting to jump out of my skin and kill people. Because she sympathizes with the public and doesn’t want me to spend time in prison she gave me a prescription for my anxiety. I gladly accepted it. I am no fool and can clearly recognize when I need help.

To address some of my other issues she said she wanted to do some lab work and have me keep a food journal for a month. No problem I thought. Then I went to get my blood drawn where I became a pin cushion. Evidently my veins have not improved at all. My left arm four days later, is still bruised and my right arm looks like I have track marks. Thank goodness for cool weather and long sleeves.

I’m going back in a month. I am committed to getting myself healthy. For the past year I have really concentrated on Mr. K and his health problems while letting my self go to hell in a hand basket. While there is a lull in health care crisis I figured I better take care of business.

I’m on day of three of taking Cymbalta. I am taking 30mg for 7 days before moving to 60mg and I will be sure to keep you all up dated on if it works or not for my anxiety. So far it has some interesting side effects – loss of appetite, increased sex drive, periods of dizziness, speech issues, and come late in the afternoon a “I don’t give a fuck” feeling. I think the kids could play with fire and I would say “That’s nice dear”. I’ve been told some of these will pass after it is good and in my system. Keeping my fingers crossed that some of them stick around.