All by myself

It has been fourteen years since I have gone out of town without a husband or a child in tow.

I drove for four hours today with the radio blaring, playing every kind of music there was to listen too. I listened to country, bluegrass, rap, hip-hop, classic rock, rock, pop, and even some black spirituals. It was nice not having to worry about littles. It was nice not to hear Barny or Disney tunes, whining, or crying. At times I would glance in the backseat and smile, knowing I had it all to myself.

It has been some time that I haven’t had to stop on a road trip to breastfeed, change diapers, take someone to pee, or hell, break up a fight in the backseat. Those pit stops really add the time on to your journey. It was great being able to run into a rest area, do my business and run right back out again and be on my way. I think I had forgotten how much faster you can accomplish things – like going somewhere – when you do not have kids.

And tonight I am going to sleep alone. Something I haven’t done in so long I can’t even recall the last time I did so.

The thing is I wonder if I am going to sleep.

I do miss them.

 

Screw It Wednesday

I am a bit aggravated on this hump day.

For one my husband is not taking care of business like he should. I am harassing him. He doesn’t like it and instead of just doing what I have asked, begged him to do he tries to tell me he is going to get fired from his job for making a simple phone call or taking a simple phone call concerning his health. I figure if people can go outside and smoke for 10-15 minutes stretches at a time surely he can do this. What is going to happen is I am going to take crazy up a notch. That is just what I do when backed into a corner.

Mr. K has never really seen my crazy. Not really. He has seen me depressed, he has seen me be funny and pissed off, but he has never seen me stand on the edge and just swan dive into crazy. It is coming and it’s not going to be pretty.

I am not giving up anything for Lent. However I am thinking about taking on a bad habit for 40 days.

So, the last few days on my blog I have been getting a lot of hits to this post about the Feminist Breeder. Evidently she has embroiled herself in some kind of internet drama again. I have no idea why or what it is about and I really don’t care. I do know that she has whined about the trolls and pulled the “I am so popular everyone picks on me because I am a target card” once again and that is old. Why so many of her minions buy into this crap and say “poor Gina” is beyond me. However let me state that the person who made this blog – For The Feminist Brat sickens me too. Get some thick skin, pull on your big girl panties and don’t be anonymous.

If you disagree with someone, even a popular mommy blogger, stand up to them and identify yourself. For one you will be more credible, and two it shows you have ovaries. Sure you might get some hate mail, and you may even be called names, but you are likely to make people think and not forget what you stood up for if done in the right matter. It is that simple.

I’m sure Gina will say I wrote this to ride her coat tails. :::insert big eye roll:::

I wanted to let you know that Luna the cat’s tail is healed. She has full use of her tail and just a scar. The hair is growing back and I am so glad we did not have to have her tail amputated. She has not quit peeing on the floor tho which is pissing me off.

This Saturday I will be going out of town for a few days without my kids or my husband. I can’t even remember a time that I have done this in the past 14 years. I am supposed to be gone three nights but not sure if I will make it that long. I may drive home in the middle of the night just to get back to them. I am glad though to have a nice break and some time to think and work without interruption.

I am asking that all of you stand with me in asking Glenn Beck to give up conspiracy theories today for Lent and for conservatives to give up Fox News.

Now I better sign off of here before another tornado comes whipping about down here. I live too close to a BP station and one in Theodore, AL was taken out by Mother Nature this morning.

 

Do you know what faith is?

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.” – Douglas Adams


This past week I heard from some of our friends that they would be praying for Mr. K and I that we would get good news on his medical tests. I didn’t know how to respond but with “thank you”. It is not that I wanted bad news, I certainly would have loved to have gone in there this past Thursday and walked out with conclusive answers instead of furthering putting our lives in a state of limbo, but by the same token I am not one of these people who believe that *I* or my family is any different than any other. Mr. K is no more deserving than any other husband or father of good fortune or bad. My family isn’t any more special than yours. I may joke that I am Jesus’ vice president but I’m not. I am just like any other random mother, wife, woman out there.

Let’s face it, shit happens. When I want to throw a pity party for myself I can give you a long list of things that have happened in my life that are unfair. I think it sucks that a brother I loved and adored was taken from us at the hands of another or that my mother died at the young age of 48 from cancer. My family reunions are held at the cemetery not at a park picnic with southern fried chicken and gossip about who did what to whom. I could tell tales of financial woes, health problems, and even whine about this that or the other that just isn’t fair but I know I am not alone when it comes to suffering, sadness, and being down on your luck.

I am one of those people who believes things happen for a reason. I am one of those people who feel that our lives have purpose and that the tragedies that befall us or the successes that we have have a greater purpose and meaning beyond just ourselves. So while I would really not have to face something unfortunate, the spiritual part of who I am reminds me that 1) I am not in control and 2)what I can control is how I act and 3) there is a something for us to to learn from all of this.

While I am very aware I am totally out of control, I am having a hard time controlling how I act. I cried this weekend because Mr. K made me breakfast. I choked back tears when my gay boyfriends pulled up with chocolate pies and alcohol. I’ve lost my temper with my kids more times than I should have. Yet when I am quiet and still and I think about things, one thing comes to mind and that is that there is a bigger picture, one that I am not privy of understanding and knowing.

Faith to me is not in healing, wealth, or that good things will come my way. Faith to me is weathering the storm or enjoying the bounty. Faith to me is knowing that at the end of the day that in the big scheme of things it will all work out. Faith to me is believing that as long as their is love that we can get through anything and if miracles happen, then fantastic but if they don’t well, hopefully we will have the courage and strength to go on and make the best of it.

Faith is believing that the outcome will be what it should be, no matter what it is.”  ~Colette Baron-Reid

I bet this person has Tigerblood and feels like they are WINNING!

It might be a long shot but I hope the person who was at the Bamboo Steakhouse on Cody Road on March 4, 2011, reads this blog post because let me say I want to thank YOU for your demonstration of “kindness and consideration”.

I don’t normally leave notes on cars, but you needed to be called out for parking in such an inconsiderate manner. You parked so close to my truck that I had to enter from the passenger’s side to crawl over in order to get into the driver’s seat. Think about other people more and demonstrate kindness and consideration.

Dear Entitled SUV Owner,

I appreciate the note you left on my car. It was that one stupid thing that put me into tears after the already shitty week I have had. It was every bit of my intention to make your life more difficult by making you crawl through the passenger side of your HUGE SUV that took up an entire NARROW parking space in the already CRAMPED parking lot at the Bamboo Steakhouse tonight. In fact, I should feel privileged that you took a few minutes of your time to write me this note to tell me the error of my ways and put it on my lowly mini-van.

Thank you for TELLING ME TO THINK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE MORE. This is definitely something I never do. It’s all about ME ME ME all of the time. My give a damn is broken and how you determined that from how I parked my car must be a gift from the Lord. I wonder if you noticed all those car seats when you had to squeeze between two vehicles to put the note under my windshield wiper. Evidently you didn’t noticed the tissues I’ve cried into in my mini-van because I didn’t want my five children to see me crying this week over their father, my husband. If you are going to be judging me based on how I park my vehicle maybe  you should have glanced on the inside to make a better assessment.

Maybe you have had as crappy of a week as I have had. Maybe your life is in a state of limbo like mine is right now. Maybe you have things going on that are totally out of control in your life that you felt that in order to feel superior and better as a human being you needed to write me this note to let me know the error of my ways.

But right now I kinda doubt it. Right now I think you are a selfish schmuck who drives an over priced, gas guzzler who thinks it’s perfectly okay to take up an entire parking space and then some and be all appalled when another vehicle dares to park next to yours. Right now I think you don’t know what kindness and consideration are, or else you would have parked  your “truck” in a parking place farther from the building that would have been more accommodating. If you were so considerate, you wouldn’t have left a note at all because you would have realized as you crawled into your vehicle what a douche bag you might be to take the time to write a note and then get back out and stick it on a strangers car in an effort to elevate your self worth.

Sincerely,

Beautiful Wreck

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts Are Better Than Drugs

My daughter Kara just told me that if I eat all of the Krispy Kreme doughnuts that I will die. She is crafty but she is not getting my Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

I am not going to eat the whole box.

I might be lying.

I see myself doing a lot of exercise if I do.

They were cheaper than a doctor co-pay and a prescription for anti-depressants.

Yes, I am an emotional eater.

The fruit filling makes them healthy though.

Right?

Twitter says so.