To you, I am Nobody

Yesterday’s post got a lot of traffic and I am glad, not because I give a rat’s ass about the numbers, but because I wanted people to take notice of the abuse that often takes place in the blogging/twitter community when you have developed a certain amount of fans and popularity. We have seen it before, but this time it wasn’t over calling someone a bitch or over appliances, it was about mothers and one of those mothers who in June lost her son who was attacked for something really inconsequential.

I got less than a dozen emails from anonymous supporters of The Feminist Breeder, not ONE had a real email address. Not ONE person posted a comment to the blog entry to say that I was a bully, hateful, and jealous. Unlike some bloggers I do not delete comments that disagree with me. I have ONE person blocked from commenting on this blog because they threatened my children. I believe that in order to be authentic, the good must be taken with the bad when I post publicly on the Internet. I also don’t see disagreeing with me as an attack on my character so there is no reason not to allow differing opinions to stand in the comments.

Someone emailed me that I was being a bully for calling Gina out. Really?  REALLY? Let me tell you, for months I have read this woman’s blog, who I don’t necessarily disagree with, be completely ugly to her readers, even fans blocking them for simply disagreeing with her and single out mothers, in moments of grief and weakness, and publicly decimate them. To be an objective advocate for women in matters concerning birth, breastfeeding and PPD you don’t lead off by calling them liars, tearing down their personal experiences, and telling them how they are wrong when they have lost their babies, unable to breastfeed, suffer from PPD, or nearly lost their lives. This actually boils down to maturity or lack thereof and character. If you are going to pontificate on the Internet for being a feminist and women’s advocate than show good judgment and compassion.

I was also written that this was a matter of speaking out against violence against women. To that I say, are you fucking kidding me? In no way was Gina in harms way nor was she threatened. How many times a day do we hear people say “I want to kill that person” or “I just could slap that person in the face”? Dozens! This doesn’t mean that these people are setting out to commit murder or violence against another. It means you are frustrated or that someone is acting like an ass monkey that needs to be taken to task. It is a FIGURE OF SPEECH. It isn’t much different than what Gina said about hating her child – she really doesn’t hate her son but was frustrated and hormonal. Making claims that this was to call out someone for being violent is disrespectful to the thousands of women, men and children who suffer at the hands of physical violence. If you are wanting to brand yourself as an advocate for women, discernment in matters that deeply affect women, like domestic violence, would be prudent. You can’t ask for compassion and understanding and then not lend it out yourself.

I got a few emails saying I was jealous of The Feminist Breeder. Umm, NO. This is not the first time I have gotten emails saying I was jealous of other bloggers. I am not sure what I am supposed to be jealous of. I turn down advertisement opportunities on my blog frequently. I turn down free stuff because that is not why I blog. On occasion I might accept something but it will only be under the understanding that I get to be one, completely honest and two, that no one tells me how and what to write. I do have tinges of envy but it has nothing to do with popularity or monies being made off blogging. I often wish I had a house decorated like The Nester, photography skills like Secret Agent Mama, or the juggling skills of The Pioneer Woman. I admire the writing skills of many but I think of those people as those I aspire to be like, not become.

Lastly, someone wrote to  me that I was a nobody looking to be somebody. When you look at the blogosphere and all the multi-talented, multi-purposed blogs available to read – well this person was correct, I am a nobody. I get about 3000 unique hits per month, I have yet to attend a big conference, I have not been offered a car, a free trip, or a book deal. I am just a mother, a wife, a woman, a writer, and by trade a seamstress. I write on the Internet because I want too. Sometimes this nobody will write something that effects somebody in a positive way or will let them know they are not alone. I am not writing to be the only voice or the loudest for any one purpose. And while I love all the people I have become friends with and met through blogging and being on Twitter, I also know that the only people I have to be a somebody too, are the people who call me mommy and wife.