The Feminist Breeder has since removed all references and comments on her Facebook page about this situation. Instead of issuing a public apology and then deleting the mindless, hurtful post she still plays the victim. In no way was she in any danger of being physically hurt, nor was she or her “fans” standing up to violence against women – that is just a just a cover to not take responsibility for the inappropriate responses and atttack on a grieving mother.
I’ve been wondering where people’s heads are lately. Some people are so self-centered that they seem to not see the forest for the trees in front of them.
Poor ME. Look who hurt ME. See what someone said about ME. I’m just trying to be ME.
Blah, blah, blah. Give ME a fucking break. Stop your drama whoring and trying to increase the hits on your blog.
So, tonight I saw on The Feminist Breeder’s Facebook page (don’t worry, I clicked on “unlike”) and on her Twitter account ( I also “unfollowed”) a link to a post to this blog post written by Michelle – who I don’t know and knew nothing about except what I saw on her blog tonight and was completely disheartened. Then after seeing the influx of comments on TFB’s Facebook page and on Michelle’s blog post I got pissed off and decided that I was going to speak out for the “little” guy because evidently people have issue calling out a well like blogger for being a bitch.
The Feminist Breeder wrote a post that was provocative and honest, and like other things she has written she knew it would receive praise and criticism. As a woman who has suffered with PPD and PTSD after a traumatic birth experience I can relate to having hormonal out bursts and a wide range of emotions with my five children. I read her post, felt no need to comment and moved on. She was getting plenty of high fives and consoling hugs on the issue and there was no need to add my .02. I didn’t think about it again until tonight.
Michelle, author of Out of the Woods, read that post too. This blogger, this mother, I do not know read it and it pissed her off and from her point of view, rightly so. See Michelle just lost her son Sawyer, he died in her arms. She wrote a post saying she wanted to punch The Feminist Breeder in the face for what she confessed she felt in a moment of insert hormononal depression pregnancy issues here. Clearly CLEARLY the post Michelle wrote was from a place of grief, anger, and hurt but evidently The Feminist Breeder didn’t see it that way.
Instead of thinking, being conscientious and looking more deeply into the situation her first reaction was to strike out at this grieving mother, posting a link to her blog post with a picture of her holding her dying son next to it on her Facebook page and also tweeting it to her followers, nearly 3000 of them. With in minutes of her posting TFB’s fans went on the defense and began to bash this grieving mother, not only on TFB’s Facebook page but also on Michelle’s blog post. They too, made no effort to look any further than that blog post. They didn’t even take the time to read Michelle’s bio which clearly said she just lost her son.
What really FUCKING PISSES ME OFF is the lack of compassion and responsibility The Feminist Breeder takes when she is called out and chastized for pointing out Michelle’s post in an effort to play “poor me, see I am being attacked for having normal hormonal parenting feelings”. In fact she even says that she isn’t to blame if people go to Michelle’s blog and leave nasty comments – it’s not like she asked them too. Well WTF! What do you think you are going to do when you post to your fan base and Twitter followers that you are hurt a “friend” would post that they wanted to punch you in the face?
Here’s my take:
GET OVER YOURSELF GINA! Sometimes, it’s best just to let things go. Just LET IT GO. So someone doesn’t like what you wrote, so they said they wanted to punch you in the face. SO WHAT!?! Michelle has little followers on her blog from what I can tell and what she said has little effect on The Feminist Breeder. Leave the grieving mother alone. Own that you fucked up and got all offended over nothing, over a grieving mother who wrote from a place of grief and pain. Own that you posted a link to her blog that led your fans to act like ass monkeys and say things that will cause this mother more grief and pain because of your inflated ego. And for GOD’S SAKE when you were told that the picture that was next to the link was of a mother with her DYING child you could have made the right choice and DELETED the whole mess.
Whine POOR ME. Tell the world I am attacking you and that you were just trying to take up for yourself and be an advocate for women. Let me just say that when you take up the cause to be an advocate for women, you don’t stomp on the ones with the hurting hearts and you use a bit more discretion on who you put up on the chopping block – even if they are being “mean” to you. If you haven’t heard the phrase “turn the other cheek” maybe you should acquaint yourself with it, especially when you are a blogger that has a growing fan base and your actions in this community will be a sign of your character.
……………………………
For the record, I do not know Michelle. My thoughts and prayers are with her and her family at this time.
Also, I posted to TFB’s Facebook page that I felt like she should have let it go and not posted what she did.
It has been brought to my attention that The Feminist Breeder DELETED the link and the comments on her Facebook Page. I say OWN your words and what you do, instead of trying to just erase it.
As a member of the blogging community, I feel it’s important to stand up for the “little guy”.
Feel free to comment, I have my big girl panties on.
I understand that hormonal rage that can be there and gone in a flash thanks to the lovely PPD. But to lose a child… OMG…every mother’s worst nightmare. I can’t even begin to fathom what Michelle is going through and the pain and rage she must be feeling.
I went to look at the Feminist Breeder’s facebook page to see what started this and noticed she’s deleted the entry, but there’s a new post up saying “I got the support I needed, so case closed.” I was a little disappointed that no where does she offer condolences to Michelle.
I get being upset because someone said they’d like to punch you in the face, but… perspective. Would you want to punch someone in the face after losing your child? If that were me? There’s probably a lot of people I’d want to punch.
The problem with the internet is we (and I say we, including myself, because I’m just as guilty as the next person for this) get trigger happy. Any perceived slight and we release the hounds to avenge the injury to our frail and bruised egos.
I think this whole incident is a good reminder to think, consider, and walk away from the computer, before we type recklessly away, because the ‘sheeple’ mentality is a stronger force than reason is on the internet.
Thank you for standing up for her. I am just finding out about this and….sigh.
Thank you for standing up for her.
I’ve been that little blog that was picked on because of something I had said, only my situation was something taken way out of context. It’s always comforting to see someone standing up for the little guys when they get teamed up on. Once the little guy gets targeted, there’s nothing that they can do to get out of it until it blows over. It’s always a huge comfort to have someone stand up for them though.
Awesome post!
<3 I'm glad that you stand up for what you believe in. I am also very glad to have met you and know you now.
You did the right thing, in my opinion. Standing up for what we believe isn’t the “in” thing to do these days and you did – good for you!
I dunno..I didn’t read the post, but the whole scenario is a little too elementary school drama for my comfort. Of course the issues are more complex, but the behaviors are exactly what I’m struggling to teach my 12 year old to polish in her character….as well as my own.
ugh. just ugh.
deleting it makes it that much more disgusting, in my opinion. moderate, close comments… whatever… but don’t delete, man. that’s just tacky.
and ya know what? it happened. the words happened. the choice to hit “publish” happened. deleting that from your fb page, twitter, blog, etc… does nothing but confirms you’re an ass.
good on you for writing this.
i left a comment on a “BIG” bloggers post once where i disagreed with something she was doing.
she erased the comment…
standing ovation to you for standing up for another blogger AND
trying to voice your opinion!
Dude this makes me so much more hotter for you.
I love you for your conviction Kim.
Thank you for this post. Even though I knew nothing of this situation, it is a great reminder to think before we speak OR TYPE. So many forget the whole thinking process. I can’t help but wonder how much trouble those people were in their teenage years for being a smartass to their mama. That’s exactly what it’s like, watching a ‘know it all teen’ get bitch slapped by reality. TFB fucked up a HUGE apology is owed. Not breaking out the eraser. Wow.
Gina is unable to just “get over” anything. Everything with her is drama amped up to the nth degree. In her mind she is a perpetual victim and everyone is out to get her.
Bullying never really goes away, does it?
Thanks for writing this post. I just noticed that TFB deleted almost all references to the incident from her FB page. I’ve been reading her for a while, but not anymore. Not after this. She should at least have the integrity to stand by her words and leave her posts/updates intact.
This is so very sad. I don’t know much about the situation, but I’m very sad to see that mother’s, in their time of grief, aren’t cut a little slack and allowed to wail a little, at whomever they choose.
I long since stopped following TFB, so I didn’t know the story, but one thing I have had it with is moms attacking other moms, and in this situation, I find it absolutely appalling. My condolences to Michelle, if she sees this. I cannot imagine your grief.
more people need to have the balls you just had!
Another reason why I love you. I wish people would read and understand situations instead of just jumping on someone just because they’ve been told to do it. Lame.
I was completely unaware of any of this until last night.
Sigh. Some days. I just don’t get this community. How can a group of people be so quick to offer love and support to some, and yet be so quick to tear someone else down.
Kim,
Thanks for standing up for what’s right.
Well done Kim!! You said it all way better than I could. Way to speak the truth!
I have been a TFB follower for a bit now, but she has been going way too far lately. I called her out a few weeks back – very gently – for yelling at another “follower” for asking her if she had renters insurance. I was scolded and then deleted with no apology to anyone.
This is what I posted to TFB FB page about Michelle’s blog. It was deleted by Gina within seconds.
“Dear Feminist Breeder, As a babylost mother I feel the need to say this – you really really need to GROW UP. Have you read some of the comments written on that poor woman’s blog by your “followers”? She is grieving the recent death of her son for CHRIST SAKE! I can tell you from experience grief induced crazed feelings trump pregnancy hormone crazies any day of the week. But no TFB, it is all about YOU getting your ego stroked again. The grown up thing would have been to say nothing when you noticed she blogged about you. The really grown up thing would have been to leave a comment saying ‘I’m so sorry for your loss’. Having created a mess and caused this woman even more pain you should have offered a formal apology on your blog and hers – but you aren’t going to do that are you Gina. Instead you write about how it is your right to be a bitch because you are pregnant. You are UNREAL.”
I hope that others coming to her defense will ease some of Michelle’s pain. Like you, I do not know her, but having lost a son myself, I have a pretty good idea of how she is suffering. My guess is right now she needs every ounce of support she can get.
Update:
I’ve been blocked from TFB’s FB page. Nice.
Jesus. Trying to process all this. My heart hurts for that mother. It is the shittiest hell to lose a child.
I also voiced my dissent – in fact, I asked she remove the picture. In her following posting anyone who expressed dissent was accused of supporting violence. When I called that comment disingenuous the whole damn things went away, mystery. I’d rather have seen an apology. In everyone relationship one person is the more powerful one. It is incumbent upon them to behave even better than they feel like doing in the moment.
And, I do not for one second believe she a. posted what she did as a way to illustrate a point about how hard it is to talk about maternal anxiety disorders – imagine, can you, Catherine from Her Bad Mother, or Postpartum Progress, posting such a link? – no, it would not happen.
No, she was pissed & used some bad judgment, as we all do from time to time.
I’m sorry you are getting hate mail. I’m waiting for my smack down to come, will it, do you think?
And – hey – I just saw your profile…I also am one of the social justice Christians that Glenn Beck keeps warning people about! Ha! I should have known.
Sounds like bad judgement calls by two women who have both been through their own brand of pain. I’m sorry for both of them, but it sounds like TFB was more than a bit petty.
You rock. Off to find Michelle & offer support there.
I just wanted to say thank you. I don’t even know who you are, but writing this and showing me compassion and support is appreciated.
For the record, I only had a handful of followers on my “Out of the Woods” blog up until last night. I had no idea any of this was going on and the only people who typically read my blog are close friends and family.
I never posted it on my facebook or on twitter. I posted it nowhere. I just wrote my reaction to a sentence that stuck out to me (bold-facing it probably didnt help TFB) and left it at that.
It wasn’t I who waged a war. It was Gina. And she wants me to continue with it, and I’m not. Because I never knew we were at battle in the first place.
Again, thank you. Especially for the condolences.
You know I’ve done my ten rounds with her over my personal experiences with c-section. She’s completely self-absorbed and someone I would rather never cross paths with again, and true to form, she doesn’t bother to do even cursory research before going on the attack. Scares the he’ll out of me that she’ll be a lawyer some day.
She’s on of several “activists” who participate in “revisionist” history. Delete those who don’t agree. Delete those who make rash, provocative, or rude statements so that you can say your followers are all civilized and responsible. Ifnthat’s part of being a big-time blogger. Then count me out.
Love you. Love your guts!
Thank you for standing up for someone who needs all of our support right now. I’m getting so tired of all the attacking that takes place right now. People really need to learn to take the high ground and not turn everything into a personal vendetta.
I agree with you that some authors need to learn some tolerance. I believe ( and this is my opinion so I don’t expect everyone to agree with me) that when you post on an open blog on the internet that you need to be prepared to hear other viewpoints through your comments. You don’t have to agree with them or like them, but you should expect them, particularly if it is a controversial topic. What purpose is served by deleting every differing comment? Do all of the comments really have to support your viewpoint? Go ahead and delete those troll type comments that are personal attacks that serve no purpose, they don’t need to be there. But those comments that are simply a differing viewpoint, read it, say ok, and move on. You don’t even have to acknowledge them. Don’t set up a personal war against that commentor, what’s the point other than to stir up drama? Have some class and we will all get along better.
*applause* Deep post. Sending Michelle my heartfelt regards
I am a friend of Michelle’s! Thank you so much for writing this. I never followed this Gina’s blog, but I must say I read the blog about her hating her kid and was so angry. Then she went off at Michelle. A mother who just lost her son. She should be beyond ashamed of herself. People like her make me want to PUKE!
How awful for Michelle. I can understand why both ladies felt the way they did, but that whole situation should NEVER have escalated to the level of harassment it reached.
I sincerely hope that by support, TFB meant she got support for how she was feeling, and NOT justification for all that unnecessary drama.
I’ve been blocked from posting on TFB blog too. Does this make me troll? I’ve always prided myself in playing nice online, but if I’m a troll now – I was driven to it!
)
Can’t even imagine how a mother would strike out at another mother who had lost her child. Incomprehensible. I am not going to go read any of the blogs/pages because it would just be too depressing to see people do that. If a mother could behave THAT badly, imagine how her children behave.
Can I just say a tearful THANK YOU and BLESS YOU. I’ve been trying to say these same words, though less poetically, and less effectively to stop the flamewar on Michelle’s blog for two days now. I wish I could speak as cleanly and to the point as you.
THANK YOU for showing there is SOMEONE with common sense in the blogosphere. And THANK YOU for being rational in a sea of internet muscles and irrational personal attacks.
Colleen
Nicely said. I also think it’s important to stand up for the little guy and take ownership for one’s words and actions. I can’t believe people behave that way!
I am livid.
I don’t think I know the feminist breeder and I don’t care to.
Thank you so much for sticking up for ‘the little guy.’
Oh, snap! Kudos to you for standing up to that breeder chick!
I’m off to give my best to Michelle!
~ingrid
uch. I didn’t see any of this drama, but I am so freaking sick of “big” bloggers bashing the shit out of each other, and sic’ing their “followers” on the other guy, be it another big blogger or a “small” one. Hello, wasn’t middle school 20-25 effing years ago?!
My heart is just broken for this woman who lost her child and then got pulled into ridiculous drama. Ugh. I’m glad you posted this.
Just an anonymous note of big support. Thanks for speaking for a lot of people and doing the right thing when it’s not the easiest path.
I know that this is an old post but I wanted to say thank you. I have felt so bad for Michelle. I was reading the whole mess on twitter and facebook that night.
By the time I read Michelle’s post and came back to TFB facebook page to comment, she deleted everything and I thought wth. The whole thing gave me flashbacks to high school and not in a good way.
Thank you for writing this. I just gives me a huge feeling of relief to know that i’m not the only one who’s seen behind Gina’s methods and watched other innocent mothers come under her fire and be attacked by her minions. Thank you.
To you Michelle, I’m so sorry that after everything you went through you had to go through this too.
Thank you so much for writing this. I thought for sure that I (along with a few others who’ve pointed this out) were the only ones to see it. Surely no one has called Gina on her garbage in the past – or if they have, it’s been deleted quickly. In fact, I don’t believe I know a single person who hasn’t either had their comments deleted from her page, never approved on her blog, or been banned altogether – and not because what they wrote was anything treacherous. Simply because it was not another “poor Gina…” and hating on the victim choice of the week for attack ala TFB and posse.
Elita said it perfectly above, “Gina is unable to just “get over” anything. Everything with her is drama amped up to the nth degree. In her mind she is a perpetual victim and everyone is out to get her.” Precisely. If she doesn’t like it, doesn’t like you, even if it is imagined drama in her head, she thinks you are out to get her and war must be waged in full effect.
Again, thank you for writing this.
And Michelle, I am so very sorry you had to deal with this trash surrounding a loss that is impossible for me to even imagine. You must be a strong, brave soul, and I can certainly see how a comment like the one you read would sting to the core. While it isn’t much to offer, know you are not alone.
Perhaps it’s time for Gina to get a taste.
I think that Gina has been getting hit pretty hard lately between Coura and I. I agree with Coura. I’m willing to step it up a notch. I want to punch her in the face and I am not hormonal. I fully, honestly and truly want to knock that $#%#’s teeth out
amara