Mundane with Friday Fill-Ins

Yesterday was Mr. K’s fortieth birthday. We kept things low key, no party, though I really wanted to be able to throw one. Instead we have decided to throw a Halloween Party with friends of ours here at the house which he seems to prefer anyway. The planning has commenced and I’ve already started working on the menu. I am sure I will be posting more about this in the coming weeks because my friend Jason has these GRAND ideas and decorations he wants to do. It looks like the craft room is going to be getting some good use this fall between this party and the holidays.

I look forward to spending the majority of the next few days here at home. It seems like for the last few weeks we have been going, going, going. I have things I need to do here and I really need to clean out the attic. I am thinking of doing a garage sale, even though I personally hate the planning of one. It’s just easier to get rid of stuff. Whatever I do, I see lots of trips to the local Goodwill in my future.

This month we are going on a four day weekend to the beach. The opportunity came unexpectedly, but we are happy to be getting away. I plan on doing some exploring, talking to some locals about the oil spill and clean up and taking some pictures. I am hearing reports that parts of the beach are cleaner than others so we shall see. I just need time to relax and I plan on not taking our laptop. I will have my phone but I doubt I will have data service out there. Who knows, I may end up packing it just because I might get the opportunity to do some writing. (doubt it) Plus unplugging makes me nervous now, being on the net is such a huge part of my life.

This past week I drove past my old school and saw a for sale sign on it. It is completely abandoned and is completely grown up. It really bothered me to see the school in such disrepair. I have so many good, and some bad, memories there. Ever since I drove by though I have dreamed about being at the school each night. It is really creeping me out.

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Happy Labor Day weekend to all who celebrate it. And…here we go!

1. Family should not stay with you any longer than three days or else it is like dealing with stale fish.

2. The kids tend to be fighing back and forth.

3. I love a big cup of coffee with a Krispy Kreme doughnut.

4. Oven fried pecan crusted chicken, sweet potato casserole, and a garden salad makes a good meal.

5. I’ve got the sewing bug.

6. This woman died trying to spy on her boyfriend, she died inside his fireplace: wth!!!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to a spontaneous evening – who knows what we will do, tomorrow my plans include moving a sofa into my garage and decorating for fall and Sunday, I want to sleep in, if that is even possible with five kids!

To you, I am Nobody

Yesterday’s post got a lot of traffic and I am glad, not because I give a rat’s ass about the numbers, but because I wanted people to take notice of the abuse that often takes place in the blogging/twitter community when you have developed a certain amount of fans and popularity. We have seen it before, but this time it wasn’t over calling someone a bitch or over appliances, it was about mothers and one of those mothers who in June lost her son who was attacked for something really inconsequential.

I got less than a dozen emails from anonymous supporters of The Feminist Breeder, not ONE had a real email address. Not ONE person posted a comment to the blog entry to say that I was a bully, hateful, and jealous. Unlike some bloggers I do not delete comments that disagree with me. I have ONE person blocked from commenting on this blog because they threatened my children. I believe that in order to be authentic, the good must be taken with the bad when I post publicly on the Internet. I also don’t see disagreeing with me as an attack on my character so there is no reason not to allow differing opinions to stand in the comments.

Someone emailed me that I was being a bully for calling Gina out. Really?  REALLY? Let me tell you, for months I have read this woman’s blog, who I don’t necessarily disagree with, be completely ugly to her readers, even fans blocking them for simply disagreeing with her and single out mothers, in moments of grief and weakness, and publicly decimate them. To be an objective advocate for women in matters concerning birth, breastfeeding and PPD you don’t lead off by calling them liars, tearing down their personal experiences, and telling them how they are wrong when they have lost their babies, unable to breastfeed, suffer from PPD, or nearly lost their lives. This actually boils down to maturity or lack thereof and character. If you are going to pontificate on the Internet for being a feminist and women’s advocate than show good judgment and compassion.

I was also written that this was a matter of speaking out against violence against women. To that I say, are you fucking kidding me? In no way was Gina in harms way nor was she threatened. How many times a day do we hear people say “I want to kill that person” or “I just could slap that person in the face”? Dozens! This doesn’t mean that these people are setting out to commit murder or violence against another. It means you are frustrated or that someone is acting like an ass monkey that needs to be taken to task. It is a FIGURE OF SPEECH. It isn’t much different than what Gina said about hating her child – she really doesn’t hate her son but was frustrated and hormonal. Making claims that this was to call out someone for being violent is disrespectful to the thousands of women, men and children who suffer at the hands of physical violence. If you are wanting to brand yourself as an advocate for women, discernment in matters that deeply affect women, like domestic violence, would be prudent. You can’t ask for compassion and understanding and then not lend it out yourself.

I got a few emails saying I was jealous of The Feminist Breeder. Umm, NO. This is not the first time I have gotten emails saying I was jealous of other bloggers. I am not sure what I am supposed to be jealous of. I turn down advertisement opportunities on my blog frequently. I turn down free stuff because that is not why I blog. On occasion I might accept something but it will only be under the understanding that I get to be one, completely honest and two, that no one tells me how and what to write. I do have tinges of envy but it has nothing to do with popularity or monies being made off blogging. I often wish I had a house decorated like The Nester, photography skills like Secret Agent Mama, or the juggling skills of The Pioneer Woman. I admire the writing skills of many but I think of those people as those I aspire to be like, not become.

Lastly, someone wrote to  me that I was a nobody looking to be somebody. When you look at the blogosphere and all the multi-talented, multi-purposed blogs available to read – well this person was correct, I am a nobody. I get about 3000 unique hits per month, I have yet to attend a big conference, I have not been offered a car, a free trip, or a book deal. I am just a mother, a wife, a woman, a writer, and by trade a seamstress. I write on the Internet because I want too. Sometimes this nobody will write something that effects somebody in a positive way or will let them know they are not alone. I am not writing to be the only voice or the loudest for any one purpose. And while I love all the people I have become friends with and met through blogging and being on Twitter, I also know that the only people I have to be a somebody too, are the people who call me mommy and wife.

Turn the Other Cheek and Take The Punch

The Feminist Breeder has since removed all references and comments on her Facebook page about this situation. Instead of issuing a public apology and then deleting the mindless, hurtful post she still plays the victim. In no way was she in any danger of being physically hurt, nor was she or her “fans” standing up to violence against women – that is just a just a cover to not take responsibility for the inappropriate responses and atttack on a grieving mother.

I’ve been wondering where people’s heads are lately. Some people are so self-centered that they seem to not see the forest for the trees in front of them.

Poor ME. Look who hurt ME. See what someone said about ME. I’m just trying to be ME.

Blah, blah, blah. Give ME a fucking break. Stop your drama whoring and trying to increase the hits on your blog.

So, tonight I saw on The Feminist Breeder’s Facebook page (don’t worry, I clicked on “unlike”) and on her Twitter account ( I also “unfollowed”) a link to a post to this blog post written by Michelle – who I don’t know and knew nothing about except what I saw on her blog tonight and was completely disheartened. Then after seeing the influx of comments on TFB’s Facebook page and on Michelle’s blog post I got pissed off and decided that I was going to speak out for the “little” guy because evidently people have issue calling out a well like blogger for being a bitch.

The Feminist Breeder wrote a post that was provocative and honest, and like other things she has written she knew it would receive praise and criticism.  As a woman who has suffered with PPD and PTSD after a traumatic birth experience I can relate to having hormonal out bursts and a wide range of emotions with my five children. I read her post, felt no need to comment and moved on. She was getting plenty of high fives and consoling hugs on the issue and there was no need to add my .02. I didn’t think about it again until tonight.

Michelle, author of Out of the Woods, read that post too. This blogger, this mother, I do not know read it and it pissed her off and from her point of view, rightly so. See Michelle just lost her son Sawyer, he died in her arms. She wrote a post saying she wanted to punch The Feminist Breeder in the face for what she confessed she felt in a moment of insert hormononal depression pregnancy issues here. Clearly CLEARLY the post Michelle wrote was from a place of grief, anger, and hurt but evidently The Feminist Breeder didn’t see it that way.

Instead of thinking, being conscientious and looking more deeply into the situation her first reaction was to strike out at this grieving mother, posting a link to her blog post with a picture of her holding her dying son next to it on her Facebook page and also tweeting it to her followers, nearly 3000 of them. With in minutes of her posting TFB’s fans went on the defense and began to bash this grieving mother, not only on TFB’s Facebook page but also on Michelle’s blog post. They too, made no effort to look any further than that blog post. They didn’t even take the time to read Michelle’s bio which clearly said she just lost her son.

What really FUCKING PISSES ME OFF is the lack of compassion and responsibility The Feminist Breeder takes when she is called out and chastized for pointing out Michelle’s post in an effort to play “poor me, see I am being attacked for having normal hormonal parenting feelings”.  In fact she even says that she isn’t to blame if people go to Michelle’s blog and leave nasty comments – it’s not like she asked them too. Well WTF! What do you think you are going to do when you post to your fan base and Twitter followers that you are hurt a “friend” would post that they wanted to punch you in the face?

Here’s my take:

GET OVER YOURSELF GINA! Sometimes, it’s best just to let things go. Just LET IT GO. So someone doesn’t like what you wrote, so they said they wanted to punch you in the face. SO WHAT!?! Michelle has little followers on her blog from what I can tell and what she said has little effect on The Feminist Breeder. Leave the grieving mother alone. Own that you fucked up and got all offended over nothing, over a grieving mother who wrote from a place of grief and pain. Own that you posted a link to her blog that led your fans to act like ass monkeys and say things that will cause this mother more grief and pain because of your inflated ego. And for GOD’S SAKE when you were told that the picture that was next to the link was of a mother with her DYING child you could have made the right choice and DELETED the whole mess.

Whine POOR ME. Tell the world I am attacking you and that you were just trying to take up for yourself and be an advocate for women. Let me just say that when you take up the cause to be an advocate for women, you don’t stomp on the ones with the hurting hearts and you use a bit more discretion on who you put up on the chopping block – even if they are being “mean” to you. If you haven’t heard the phrase “turn the other cheek” maybe you should acquaint yourself with it, especially when you are a blogger that has a growing fan base and your actions in this community will be a sign of your character.

……………………………

For the record, I do not know Michelle. My thoughts and prayers are with her and her family at this time.

Also, I posted to TFB’s Facebook page that I felt like she should have let it go and not posted what she did.

It has been brought to my attention that The Feminist Breeder DELETED the link and the comments on her Facebook Page. I say OWN your words and what you do, instead of trying to just erase it.

As a member of the blogging community, I feel it’s important to stand up for the “little guy”.

Feel free to comment, I have my big girl panties on.

An Open Letter To My Husband

Dear Mr. K,

Seventeen years ago I was a 19 year old ambivalent bride. I took a leap of faith, opened up my heart to all the possibilities and said I do. In spite of the bets that took place at the reception and the doubts that plagued the minds of many, we have made it to this point. Trials and tribulations we have had but mixed into the whirlwind of our life together there has been love and joy and five beautiful children.

You have loved me like no other man has. You have learned me. You have been my rock while at the same time my soft place to fall. I know it has not been easy.

Thank you for healing my broken heart, for holding me up when I thought I would fall, for partnering with me in the parenting of our children, and for letting me be who I am – even when I don’t know who that is.

There are a million little things that keep me falling in love with you more and more each day, but mostly, what endears me to you is the fact you are my best friend and lover.

Still my 9 out of 10.

Forever yours,

Your Wife

Friday Fill-ins: 17 Years and Counting

And…here we go!

1. You do your thing; I do mine and sometimes we will do something together.

2. The nature of relationships is what’s been on my mind on and off all day.

3. Remember when I was skinny.

4.Twitter, sex, and eating Gobstoppers are three of my favorite obsessions :-)

5. During the last year I have had so many hot flashes I believe I have experienced a glimpse of hell.

6. My youngest puts a smile on my face.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to cooking, watching a movie with the kids, tomorrow my plans include Celebrating my 17th Wedding Anniversary to Mr. K and Sunday, I will be helping a friend move!

For more Friday Fill-ins go HERE!